Friday November 29th.

I haven't posted anything. Life has been crazy but right now its actually pretty decent. Happy late Thanksgiving! I actually wasn't alone this year. Im in Portland Oregon with my dad. We went over to his girlfriends moms house and she made a pile of Thanksgiving food and I felt so full. Today we went to the tree lighting downtown. Merry Christmas? I have now decided im going to build Gonzo, from the muppets. There is no reason other than I want one. I think it would be cool to have him sit in my room. Anyway, I wonder what I want for christmas. Some shoes? Some money? For life to just get better and stay better?

Monday November 25th.

Woah my life is so different. So much has happened, I don't even know what to say.

Tuesday November 12th.

Yay everything crashed and burned and is still burning. Im so done. The phone keeps ringing. Im not answering, I don't want to hang out right now dude. It's 9PM and I don't want to hold a whole converstation. I have so much random homework to do and I have to make a film this weekend. And the vibes are terrible. Like actually terrible. I don't even like being in my room anymore.

Now Playing: nothing.

Saturday November 9th.

Days feel weird now. Like we are in some sort of timeline that Im not supposed to be in. Everything is slightly wrong. Usually im a person that says everything (in moderation) happens for a reason. People come into your life for a reason, people leave your life for a reason. Things happen for a reason. Recently, I guess, im confused on what those reasons are. Things are just different, like we suddenly skipped a couple chapters. I guess it will become the new normal eventually. Things will fall into place.

Now Playing: Dai the Flu by Deftones

Wednesday November 6th.

Feeling extra down and depressed today. Very cold and windy out, im confused about a lot of things happening in my life. Plus, the election doesn't really help. Everything feels different and weird. Is it just me? I really don't know whats happening.

Tuesday November 5th.

Recently it's been hard to do much of anything. Halloween week hit me hard this year. I voted today though! So thats something. Im sitting in the library right now trying to sort out my life. I need to film this film here soon im hoping I can do it correctly. I kind of am in a really weird spot in my life right now. I don't really know whats happening or where any of this is going to end up. Im usually a very organized put together person but I guess thats just not me right now. I did do my laundry today though! Me and my friend decided we needed to get organized today and actually get stuff done for once. My body and mind are tired and confused.

Now Playing: library silence

Sunday November 3rd.

Does everything in my life just like to crash and burn? It feels like it. Halloween weekend was an interesting one is all I can say. So much happened so fast its crazy. I hope everything will be okay I really do. Friends, well, real friends, don't come easy to me. I can make friends very easily but not real ones. So when I find a real one, I try really hard to keep that friend. I'd do anything for a lot of people that mean a lot to me. My room is a mess, I don't know if its ever been this bad. I have been in a really weird spot in my life recently, like really weird. Like a very interesting chapter in a book that throws the entire plot out of wack. It's strange, usually this time of year Ive already put the christmas tree up, this year though, I feel like I want to sit with fall a little more. Idk, I gotta clean. ok love you bye.

Wednesday October 30th.

Yesterday I found this cool place with a bunch of graffiti while I took my roomate location scouting. As well as three full cans of Beast hard tea monsters. My costume for Ghoulia is pretty much done I just need to work on the makeup look. I got Spectra Vondergeist in the mail! Happy Halloween to me! I believe im going to a friends house tomorrow to trick or treat, cause its not Halloween unless you trick or treat. My class today, Psychology, got canceled, so I only have one class today. Go me! Im tired today, but its not as bad as yesterday. I was up till 6AM hanging out with my friend Noah the other day. It's Crazy that Halloween is tomorrow, I feel like I didn't celebrate enough even though I definitely did. I have so much work to do! Happy Halloween Eve!

Now Playing: The Ballet of Fiedler and Mundt by Disparition

Monday October 28th.

I hate premire pro as an editing software. I used to stand by it but now it's my enemy. I have a paid internship with a local hospital, (editing their training videos) and it sucks using this software. Also, happy October 28th! Halloween is this thursday, which is crazy because I've been celebrating since September 1st. Also I gained a follower, (wuzzup bro, ur sick). Cal Arts always throws this huge halloween party, this year its on November 1st. A few of my friends are working on it, there is this huge doll that will have glowing eyes, and I saw a giant link n log. (It's toy themed.) My costume still isn't done! Today is the first day in a while where the weather in California actually feels like fall. I don't have a pile of leaves to jump in and this makes me upset. untill next time. I got class.

Now Playing: Sick fall beats

Saturday October 26th.

I am so tired of this.

Friday October 25th.

Ugh I want my brithday to be monster high themed. I don't have friends in that state anymore, I already asked one of my childhood friends if they could come and they wont be in town. My old work friend can though. I don't know what I should do for my twentith birthday maybe roller skating?

Thursday October 24th.

Does it ever get better, or is life always going to be like this? I hope my life will one day get a break. I don't think I've ever had a break. I haven't cried like that in a while. My body and mind are tired.

Now Playing: Random songs off my friends laptop

Wednesday October 23rd.

You ever have a suite mate complain that they couldn't sleep because of the smell of weed? yeah well I do. Funny thing is, no one was smoking weed, especially not anywhere near the rooms. I burned some incense for a friend of mine but It clearly smells like sage, and it didn't burn for very long. Even my roomate said that when they came in it smelled like weed. I don't think so, odd thing is none of my friends had weed on them, and most of them are on a tolerance break anyway? Also its a college campus in california... its gonna smell like weed.

Tuesday October 22nd.

Now Playing: Simple Math by Manchester Orchestra

I am so tired and so annoyed, I can't write this essay for my Film Today class no matter how hard I try to start it. I think its all stupid.Every class is so stupid. I know thats an exageration. Its not really how I feel im just so annoyed. This teacher really sucks, makes me feel like my writing sucks no matter how hard I try to make it good. Im braingstorming for my 16 mm film for my Film Production workshop thats coming up. I want to do something Night Vale based and have some cool shot ideas but I have no idea if its actually going to work the way I want it too. I really can't code in HTML for anything. Its so bad I can't even make the boarder centered. Has anyone ever seen the film The Invisble 2007? I can't find anyone that actually has watched that movie. I had to buy it on DVD off Ebay.

I've been staying up later recently, way to late for it to be healthy. Four AM doesn't seem very healthy. I don't feel very healthy. But hey thats the college experience. God this is so cringe.Its october, I feel like I celebrated everything way to quickly and my costume isn't even fully done yet. Im going as Ghoulia Yelps from Monster High, pretty much the whole costume is hand made. I feel like everyone is working really hard on a project but me right now. I have no big thing happening, my life feels like a controlled mess.

Now Playing: Bombs by Bnny Rbbt

I have been feeling heavy lately, like there is a lot going on but at the same time their isn't. It's a weird feeling really. I've been feeling unmotivated with everything I do recently, like nothing is ever getting done. It's bad, im so tired. It's 7:48 PM and its completely dark out. Here comes the seasonal depression, which is funny because I hate the sun. I hate when it's hot or too bright. But the minuite it gets dark out early I get sad.Good lord I really need to write this essay, how do I find the motivation to do this.

Side rant, I wan't my 20th birthday to be Monster High themed, like old Monster High birthday. I think that would be so cute, and I believe I will be in my home town for my brithday which is a win and a loose. There are some not nice people there. People that aren't big fans of me. And really my only friend there is my boyfriend. I have my family there though so thats something. My laptop is going to die.

untill next time.